Christmas....1990

Wow. This weekend I found the Schaller video camera and all the tapes from 1990 to 2000. I am currently reliving my Christmas from 1990. First Christmas Eve Dinner and presents post church at grandma Schaller's house, Santa and presents on Christmas morning at our house and finally Christmas day with the Quandts. The Quandts are my mom's side of the family and there is nobody like them! Serisously...if someone can find me a family as hysterical and unique let me know, I'm willing to put some money down...but I aint got much.

Christmas morning was like this. Adam left a note and presents for Santa and Rudolph, fake shit and a can where the worms pop out when you open them. Pretty basic morning. We tear through everything, super excited about the goods while our dog is annoyingly barking non stop in the back. After us brats get everything we want, my dad hands mom a big present to open. She rips the paper, opens the Hudson's box and realizes she bought that present for my dad...she opened my dad's gift. Classic sleep deprived parent move.

Now I'm at the Quandt family Christmas at my grandparent's house...my bro's and I are there with my parents, grandma Helen, grandpa Bob, Uncle Doug & Nick. My mom is video'ing while talking on the phone with Uncle Bob and Aunt Aly who are in New Jersey. She is also dictating the whole thing. We open uncle Doug and Nick's presents, incredibly fluorescent hats and turtlenecks and immediately put them on for a group pic where my mother calls us her "Retarded Children." Of course I've banned that word but in the 90's it was fair game and used very liberally. Outrageous...I'm wearing a flowery number with a bow headband. My brothers are wearing bowl cuts, zits and speaking in puberty laden voices. Jason gets a Slaughter guitar tab book, Adam a dinosaur toy and I scream with excitement when I get more basketball cards.

My Grandpa is the star of this show though. Uncle Bob got him a cordless telephone (whoooooa...really!) and my grandpa fires a "I'll never stop talking now!" and then looks right into the camera and says "Thanks Bob...ya ass-hollle." If you know my grandpa then you know this sounds about right. He and my dad got matching saws and when he opened his he said with a giant denture mouthed smile "thish is great for cutting off headsh.." Grandpa had dentures and his S's sounded like Sh's.."shix, shevin, shix" means 6-7-6. This man was one of a kind.

I didn't get to see the Christmas meal on here but I'm sure dinner rolls, sons of bitches, ass holes, and rounds of laughter were thrown endlessly around the table. There was nothing I loved more than this day each year and I really do miss it. All I gotta say is that I need to write this all into a short story!

Now, onto watching myself ice skate in the backyard and the horror movie my friends and I made 15 years ago. The 90's were amazing.